E 13 Helix 9-52 cassette 12 speed

When I was a kid with a minivan, I had a girlfriend who ‘borrowed’ money from her grandfather’s sock drawer.  She was the type of lass who would dare you to pee on an electric fence, and if you were too scared, she’d do it to prove you were a wuss.  Yes, this happened.  Anyway, roundabout way of saying, this new (as of 2023) cassette from E hot dog star Thirteen is worth getting into your roommates sock drawer to see if you can round up some scratch.  The Helix 9-52 cassette is insanely wide range.  The widest range cassette made since that mixtape I made for Lydia that she never listened to.  I think she just assumed it was crap, and let’s face it, it probably was.  Spacehog, Jeff Buckley and Lords of Acid on one mix?  It’s nauseating to think about.  

Distract your roommate with some counterfeit Crystal Pepsi: “Hey Larry, you’ll never guess what I found on Ebay.ru!” and when he cracks his first bottle, sneak into his room and hit that sock drawer.  Combat the odor with a smear of Old Spice on your upper lip.  

Ok, now that you’re rich, check out these AMAZING TRUE FACTS: 

Back in the 90’s we rode around with 11-34 cassettes and 42/32/22 chainrings up front.  There were at least a handful of redundant gears, or gears close enough that they were redundant in use if not in actual maths.  The resulting gear range shifted like crap and chains snapped like a dance fight scene in West Side Story, and there was crazy chain suck, dumped chains and other shifting shenanigans.  The high gear, for those counting, was 100 inches, and the low was 17.07.  Guess what the Gear range is with a 34t chainring and a 9-52 cassette.  The same!  But no pesky front derailleur, better ground clearance, one less shifter, no more chain slap, etc etc etc.  

The E hot dog star Thirteen cassette has my vote for most useful 1x cassette ever made.  Pair it with a GX 12 speed rear mech or a modified Rival x Ratio cage rear derailleur.  We can make it happen, holler at us like Lydia hollered at other guys just to make me feel bad.