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Zipties

$0.20

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Maurus Logan's cat, Maurice, was a big fan of cupboards. And eating things in cupboards. Kibble. Toilet paper tubes. Tax returns. Entire rolls of duct tape. It was all well and good when Maurus was home, but if he left to go the Cape for the weekend, he knew he'd come back to a catastrophe. And Maureen had just invited him down to her salt box on the beach. Actually it wasn't on the beach, it was behind the Stop and Shop on Maura Avenue. At least it was close to Maui Maude's Mini Golf. It's the small things that count. Anyway, Maurus sat at his kitchen table, his forearm making wet sucking sounds as he picked up his arm to sip his coffee. Sweat pooled on the oil cloth. Maurus thought. Nescafe Blend 37 coursed through his veins. He grabbed a Schlitz coaster and started doodling. After some missfires, his brain thrummed into gear and he sketched in rapid succession: a fully functioning Horse space suit, a portable gas powered ear cleaner and, lastly, an idea he called the Bad Kitty No No Strap Device (TM). He would use it to keep Maurice out of the Cupboards, damn that impertinent pussy. Maurus dashed off to his machine shop, conveniently located in his mom basement, which by no mean coincidence, was also his basement. In a few hours, he had submitted his prototype design to Alibaba. The next morning, a box was laying in the ashes in the hearth of his fireplace. His package of Bad Kitty No No Strap Devices in assorted colors had arrived by express Stork. The day that Maurus left Maurice to visit Maureen on Maura Avenue, he applied the straps to all of the cupboard handles, effectively tying the handles together so Maurice could not gain access to their delicious contents.
Maurus returned home, flushed with sun and Aperol spritzers. Pulling up into his driveway he noticed something was missing. Namely, his house. Maurice sat on the front stoop, chewing a burnt match end. Maurus's mom, Maurelle, was in the corner of the lawn, speaking in subdued tones to a police officer. Maurelle kept looking over her shoulder and pointing to Maurice.
Maurus, heart broken, threw the remaining Bad Kitty No No Strap Devices in the morning's trash. His neighbor and cousin, Maurus C. Logan, happened to see them laying atop the remains of a chicken casseroll. He took a few to work and used them to strap some dangly wires together. Dang, he thought, that's a pretty great little strap. The zip tie was born.
For the real story of the zip tie, (which was originally called the Ty-Rap, go here.)