Orange Seal makes this Sub Zero tire sealant by moping up the palm sweat left on the buttons and joystick of Mortal Combat arcade games at those bars where you can pay 14 dollars for a mixed drink and wonder if they did more than wave a bottle of booze over the glass.
Look if you don’t get that joke, you clearly didn’t spend much time behind the Cones Point General Store as a kid. I’m sorry, it was lovely, you should have been there.
Orange Seal makes the best tire sealant going, but it gets a bit gummy, like the underside of your high school desk, below 15 degrees. So when the temps drop, squirt in some of this Sub Zero sealant. We like 4oz per tire, unless it’s a fat bike, then 6oz seems like a smarter idea. More surface area and all that. This is kinda like 5w oil, it’s a bit thin for warmer temps, so come spring, if it’s not dried up yet, dump it back in the container and save it for next year.
Orange Seal has glitter in it, which they call Nanites. I’m trying to come up with something funny here, but I’m falling flat. If you come up with a suitable joke, write it on the back of a 100 dollar bill, and send it to 181 Hillside Rd, Poultney VT, 05764.
The glitter works like a clotting agent, and helps damn up punctures in your tire. Does it work? Yes, but you have to shake the bottle of sealant up before you inject it in the valve stem, like pulpy orange juice. Have you read that John McPhee book on Oranges? Have you read any John McPhee? If not, that’s a good one to start with. Shortish, good for folks with attention spans that lacketh in duration.