Do you carry around 43 keys for no reason? Enjoy charms banging on your knee whilst driving? Dangle a Ti mug outside your saddle bag even though it would fit perfectly fine inside your bag because you gotta have that conspicuous consumption signifier? Then you need a Carabiner in your life. Not a locking one, and not a cheap steel one. It has to be a fun color, too big for the task at hand, and look good on a belt loop.
I looked up uses for a carabiner, so you didn’t have to. Here are some of my favorites:
- Hold SOP documents in place at work stations
- Use as a holder for displaying your state mandated employee documents and free up wall space
- Keep ponytail scrunchies organized.
- Hang wasp traps anywhere
- Clip someone's shoelaces to their bag while they are sitting in class
There are 50 more useless uses if you are interested… I love and hate that someone got paid to write that worthless article, and here I am, pontificating about Thorstein Veblen’s theory and how it relates to your life, and I am getting paid in literal peanuts. Unsalted, just thrown on the floor when payday comes. Friday at 5pm, every 2 weeks, they open the hatch and dump 2 scoops of dry roasted peanuts down, and I spend all Saturday and Sunday hunting for them in the darkness that is my prison.
Buy this carabiner, so I can afford some salt for these peanuts.