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Ceres II Wire Carabiner

$8.00

Do you carry around 43 keys for no reason?  Enjoy charms banging on your knee whilst driving?  Dangle a Ti mug outside your saddle bag even though it would fit perfectly fine inside your bag because you gotta have that conspicuous consumption signifier? Then you need a Carabiner in your...

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Do you carry around 43 keys for no reason?  Enjoy charms banging on your knee whilst driving?  Dangle a Ti mug outside your saddle bag even though it would fit perfectly fine inside your bag because you gotta have that conspicuous consumption signifier? Then you need a Carabiner in your life.  Not a locking one, and not a cheap steel one.  It has to be a fun color, too big for the task at hand, and look good on a belt loop.  


I looked up uses for a carabiner, so you didn’t have to.  Here are some of my favorites:

  1. Hold SOP documents in place at work stations
  2. Use as a holder for displaying your state mandated employee documents and free up wall space
  3. Keep ponytail scrunchies organized.  
  4. Hang wasp traps anywhere
  5. Clip someone's shoelaces to their bag while they are sitting in class

There are 50 more useless uses if you are interested… I love and hate that someone got paid to write that worthless article, and here I am, pontificating about Thorstein Veblen’s theory and how it relates to your life, and I am getting paid in literal peanuts.  Unsalted, just thrown on the floor when payday comes. Friday at 5pm, every 2 weeks, they open the hatch and dump 2 scoops of dry roasted peanuts down, and I spend all Saturday and Sunday hunting for them in the darkness that is my prison.  

Buy this carabiner, so I can afford some salt for these peanuts.